Something to be proud of.

Full-Time College Student. And will be the first in my family to graduate from a four-year institution.

Nursing Major.

Sociology and Biology Double Minor.

Nursing Class of 2014′s President.

The Treasurer for our Student Nurses Association for the 2011-12 School Year, and an active member.

Volunteer to aide children, as well as fellow students, with disabilities.

Serve my community as a volunteer basic Emergency Medical Technician.

Active and philanthropic member of the Alpha Chapter of my Internationally recognized Sorority.

International Student Ambassador.

Human rights advocate.

Dedicated, hard working, and knowledgeable scholar.

Dedicated to family (close and distant).

Love for all, no matter the difference.

 

… Yeah. I’d say that’s something to be proud of.

I am a woman of character. A human of dignity, love, respect, and power. I have worked hard for everything I have earned. But I know my work, and my learning, is far from over, and I know that I have a lot to offer the world I have entered and will someday lead when I leave my school.

I encourage everyone to make a list of things that they have done, and/or that they are proud of. And even if your list is not very long, be damn proud of it. Or, if you think it isn’t long enough, get out there and do something. Make that list longer, and make yourself a better person. We all have something to offer to this world, and it is never too late to immerse yourself in an experience that could possibly change your life. And on a day of doubt, look back on this list. Be proud of who you are, what you have done, and they places you will go.

Who knows. You could very well save a life. Maybe even your own.

<3

sapere aude.

Auld Lang Syne… <3

I rang in the New Year with wonderful friends, and people that I love… I couldn’t have asked for a better New Years celebration

I’ve gotten into thinking lately… I’ve been making a list of New Years Resolutions, and I’ve also started constructing a “Bucket List.” And by, starting construction of, I mean I’ve only added one thing so far. That one thing, is this: I want to spend New Years in 5 major cities around the world sometime over the duration of my life. I’ll definitely add more as I go. But that incorporates two of my many loves: traveling, and New Year’s itself.

What is my obsession with New Years? I’ve always been fond of this holiday. Or, more of a celebration. Is it really a holiday? That may be a silly question.

Either way, I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoy New Years because it is a fresh start. Maybe it’s my Libran personality, if you believe in that whole astrology thing: I enjoy pursuing new endeavors, then I unfortunately tend to lose steam or interest for them halfway through. Or, maybe it’s the excitement I’ve always had about moving forward. Despite how good or bad things are going, I have always been anxious or excited to move forward, fervently impatient for what the next chapter will bring.

However, a bad habit I’ve always had is not turning the page from the older chapters of my life.

In a way, I tend to be far too reflective. Remembering and being sentimental is a good thing… To a point. I feel that this fact (along with several others) has kept me from moving forward and realizing my full potential as a healthy, happy person that’s leading a fulfilling life.

So, I’ve decided to make a New Year’s Resolution List. I figure, instead of just one that I’ll brush to the side, I’ll have a list of things to accomplish. I’m always good about completing lists of things to do for school – I feel like I take it on as a challenge. You know, like, I bet you can’t push on to the next thing. But yes. Yes, I can.

Without further adieu… Here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions:

• Get down to my healthy, ideal weight for my ideal height and age
• Learn a new craft
• Conquer one fear
• Get back into Spanish
• Learn to let things go
• Speak up for myself, and speak more kindly
• Learn to say, No.

I guess it is appropriate to explain these a little.

I have been frustrated with my weight gain since I graduated high school (or, really, since I quit playing softball). I don’t really miss softball itself, although it was a lot of fun. What I really miss is the time I spent with good friends, and how I felt while I was healthy when I played year-round. Now, I have no consistent activity going on in my life, and my eating habits are terrible (per your normal college student). Despite me always being a decent sized girl, I look back on pictures of myself in middle and high school… And I was hot. And the kicker there, is I used to think I was fat. I always have. So I was never motivated to take care of myself,  in weight or other appearance. I’ve never been a girly type or one just to dress up because I could. And… I wish I had been. But, the thing is, the past is the past. And now, I have real motivations for me to do better for myself. I want my boyfriend to be proud of me, not only for what I am accomplishing in school in other areas of my life, but for the fact that I take pride in myself and my health. I want him to be proud to call me his girl <3 Also, I want to set a good example for my future patients. I always found it to be an oxymoron to be an overweight nurse. I miss feeling healthy – I hate feeling tired, or winded all the time. And despite them being old sports injuries, my knees and ankles hurt all the time, mainly because of the extra weight I’ve put on. And… I want to be healthy, mostly, because I want to be able to travel and do what I want comfortably when I get old. I don’t want to worry about transporting a ton of medications, or contacting places about special handicap services (not at least until I’m 80 or older.. lol). I want to go freely with the one I love, and just live life peacefully and happily.

I’ve been feeling the need to get crafty. I miss music a lot, but I can get my fix relatively just by collecting new records or songs by artists I find on the internet (I also got a record player for Christmas!). But I miss creativity. I have yarn and knitting needles, and I have been surfing a website called pinterest that is INCREDIBLY addicting… I’d like to learn something, so I can give someone a gift and say, “I made that.”

Just because I feel like my fear of spiders will be here for a while longer, the fear I have decided to try and conquer is my fear of heights. Lately, I have been day dreaming of flying in the clouds, or googling pictures of high places and people looking over edges. Falling and flying… It sounds exhilarating, yet terrifying. So… I’ve decided to try para-sailing. It’s relatively controlled, and what better environment to conquer a fear than a beautiful day at sea? I can’t bring myself to bungee jumping (at least not yet), and I don’t think I will ever work myself up to skydiving. But, para-sailing seems like a heck of a lot of fun… Seems so. Kind of. I’ve already asked a friend to go with me, and she’s game. So, I will be working to hit the beach for a long weekend over the summer. I’m nervous and shaking thinking about it! (Or, maybe it’s just cold in here )

I miss culture and foreign language in my life. Plus, I need to take my last level of Spanish before it gets too late at Longwood. Before next school year, I will have Spanish 201 under my belt, and I will study uber-hard for it

I have a big problem with letting things go, from little to big things. I also have an issue with admitting I’m wrong. I don’t feel like it occurs all the time, but I know it is an instant reaction when I feel attacked. I also tend to get embarrassed a lot easier than I let on. Maybe because I’m already so self-conscious with myself. I also know, I inherit a lot of that from my father. This also tends to tie in with speaking up for myself, and speaking kindly. I tend to be brash and harsh when expressing my thoughts, in joke or not. I know it puts people off. I also need to learn to say no, and make time for myself. Overall… There are a lot of things I need to gain control of. Luckily, I have the support of my parents and boyfriend. I have started talking to a counselor at school, and beginning this semester, I will begin to build up better ways of coping, and easier ways of communicating. This year is looking brighter and brighter.

I’ve got a lot to look forward to… And to work for. But, oddly enough, I don’t feel intimidated. One thing college and being out on my own has taught me, is to utilize my resources, and appreciate those who love me.

I want a better me for those in my life. I want a better me for my future endeavors.

I want a better me, for me.

And so it begins, 2012… Come at me bro! <3

Happy New Year <3

Love :)

I just had yet another amazing weekend with him <3
He surprised me and came down a whole night early, which was great. So he was here from Friday night until about 5 hours ago. It was such a great weekend. We relaxed, and napped a lot (which was great because I'm trying to keep from getting sick lol), and he made my friend and I breakfast this morning
I love spending so much time with him. Even though I know it's best for my education, sometimes I hate being so far away from him. Whether it's just spending time with him for fun, or because we need the other if one of us is down… <3 He does so well at making me feel better, and making me laugh. It was so hysterical, he was being such a fool today that my stomach literally still aches from laughter.
Now, he's home gaming with his friends… And while I'm glad he is at home safe and having fun, I really wish he was still here <3
I'm currently working on statistics homework, trying to pick up any encouragement to keep working. I got my grade back on my last test in Biology… Bombed it. :/ LUCKILY, I still have a 70 in that class… Luckily. :/ But I hate being so borderline, especially since that class counts the most credit-wise. And it's incredibly frustrating, since I'm getting an A in my health assessment class, B's in my skills class AND statistics (which I failed the first time, mainly because I'm mathematically impaired, and I took it during the fall of my freshman year, so I screwed around a lot :/), and yet I'm getting a borderline C/D+ in an advanced 100 level biology class… WTF.
Ugh… I'll get through it… I've got Sean, and my family… And I've got plans. Plans I intend on keeping to. I'll be alright. It'll be hard, but I'll be okay.
I miss home so much <3 I can't wait until Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Even if I'll be taking an online class or two over winter break. I just want to be home.

Tired.

That’s about the only coherent word flowing through my brain at the moment.

However, I bought a soda and a cup of fruit for a sugar rush to try and get me through the day. Although, I really shouldn’t.

I went to the emergency room about a month ago for severe nausea and stomach pain, and of course they did some blood work on me. When my blood work came back, they said that my blood sugar was a little high. Not terribly alarming, but they recommended that I should definitely get it checked out. Which, I of course agreed to – I’ve never had high blood sugar issues before… And the doctor was really, really cute.

Anyway, I made an appointment with my family practice for when I was home on Fall Break. I had blood work done, and long story short I have been diagnosed as Pre-Diabetic. Not exactly scary news, but definitely not good news. I knew that I was nowhere near as healthy as I used to be while I was in high school (especially while participating in sports year round). But I guess I didn’t have a clear enough picture of just how downhill things had gone. The weight is definitely an issue – I have always been a big girl, but I used to be toned and I actually had beautiful curves and didn’t look pudgy. Now, that is obviously not the case since my only exercise that I am getting is when I walk back and forth between my apartment complex and campus and in between classes (this semester, it’s gotten increasingly harder for me to go to the gym). I need to actually fit gym time in, it’s just gotten difficult…

But one thing I have done is that I’ve started buying healthier foods. I have vegetables that I can steam in the microwave now (which I actually love – especially the small ones with some rice in it, too). I also bought some Morningstar Farms ‘Chik’n’ Nuggets, which are actually veggie nuggets. I was a vegetarian for a little over a year back at the beginning of high school, and while that fad didn’t stick, I do remember how much healthier I felt while I was one. So, while I can’t totally give up meat, I’ll just stick to the chicken patties and turkey burgers I like for  a while, and start eating more like a vegetarian for a while. Good thing D-hall serves AMAZING turkey burgers, and they have a great salad bar (about 95% of the time lol).

*sigh*… Overall, I guess stress is getting me, too. It’s not as bad anymore, since midterms are over. However, I think we’ve kind of hit that downward slide now in the semester, and soon it’s gonna start feeling like a race getting everything done. Fall Break was a teaser, and almost a week later I’m still struggling in getting back into the new-found work ethic that I’ve had thus far this semester. It’s not terrible, but my body is feeling its effects.

Healthier(ish) diet + not enough exercise + not enough sleep + good friends + massive amounts of homework = ….

I have no idea.

I never was good at math – I’m retaking statistics for a reason. lol

Peace <3

Little Miss.

As of now, my grades are amazing. Granted, it’s only the fourth week of the semester, but right now they are collectively the best that I’ve had since I started as a freshman last year.

I am kicking so much ass right now.

I just feel really empowered, you know? My grades have been awesome because I’ve been legitimately working hard and studying like crazy. Nursing Council stuff has already been in full swing. And they just had their annual involvement fair yesterday, so I signed up for several different volunteer activities

All in all, things are going well.

Much better than a couple days ago.

This past weekend, while not bad at all (considering I got to spend quality time with my family, boyfriend and some good friends on the road), was still rather hectic, and I didn’t get a chance to get much work done. Also, at the very end of last week, I got into a fight with one of my best friends, and we still haven’t really resolved it. I felt the stress from those two situations spill over into coping an attitude with my boyfriend and my mom, which was completely unnecessary. But luckily they understood, and I talked things out with mom and Sean, so it’s alright. And I have a handle on my school work now. I just have to get this argument figured out, but I’m not touching it until the end of the week, because I don’t know how involved the conversation we have is going to get, and I can’t afford to get really stressed out right now, at least not until Saturday.

For the most part, I have a handle on everything, or I at least know how I want to approach it. I just get a lot of comfort from feeling ‘together’.

That, and this Iced Chai and sushi is delicious. Yum. <3

I shall return to my studies.

Until next time,

Peace <3

Me and Big Sis.

So I just realized that I forgot to call my sister… granted, I could call her tomorrow, but I told her I would call last night or today. However, I know that she gets up earlier than I do, so she’s probably in bed already, or headed there. So I won’t bother her right now – I’ll just call her tomorrow

I was flipping through her pictures on facebook (taking a mental break from statistics before moving on to some nursing work – man does stats fry my brain). In every picture she’s in, she has the biggest, most beautiful smile that I think I’ve ever seen on anybody. Whenever I see my sister happy, it’s always a good thing. Not only for the fact that she’s happy (because being happy is always good), but she really is one of the most beautiful people that I know.

I especially love all of her wedding pictures. She just looks so obscenely happy, it’s just amazing. It makes me anxious for my turn, especially looking at the pictures with her and dad about to walk down the aisle, and her pictures of her first dance with her husband, Jeff.

Seeing her smile in those pictures makes me feel so thankful  to have her here.

Sickness almost got in the way of her being here with us about two years ago. I remember being scared, but more than anything I just remember being so thankful that she came home, and that she got married, and that she’s here to be with and enjoy now So I can hang out with my big sister, and we can do big-little sister things, and we can take trips together and go shopping and just talk. Not to mention doing things at her house with her that I can’t do at home even though it gets hard to see her much right now because of school.

But most of all, I so love and enjoy that I can see that beautiful smile.

Crystal, I love you and I’m so happy that you’re my big sister. Yes, this is a very gushy post. But I’m sitting here missing home, listening to sappy music, and wanting to just come home and talk, share a few drinks and watch a Bama football game.

If you’re reading this, you’re my favorite.

Peace <3

Voice.

I write, because I have a voice.

Each word uttered by this voice, has meaning,

Because I choose to give it meaning.

The meaning,

While interpreted differently by many,

Is entirely known by me,

And me alone.

I do not expect anyone

To know or understand these meanings,

That I hold so close

And so intimately.

 

With this voice, I comfort.

With this voice, I laugh.

With this voice, I sing.

With this voice, I empathize.

With this voice, I empower.

With this voice, I insult.

With this voice, I instruct.

With this voice, I am victorious.

With this voice, I win and lose

Everything that I could ever hope for…

 

And that all depends entirely

On how I use it.

Validation.

Sometimes… I just can’t help but sit back and laugh.

Let me start off with this – I recognize that I am human, and that I make mistakes and have flaws. But the fact is, I RECOGNIZE it.

It simply blows me away at times to see when someone doesn’t.

I do not believe in people, especially in this setting, to have a lack of intelligence. What I believe some people’s issue to be, is an overabundance of ignorance. Which, in it’s own right, can be just as crippling.

I’m not going to go out and start trouble or rumors, nor am I even looking for it for that matter. Despite my eccentricity and snarky, sarcastic sense of humor, I am actually a pretty passive person. Unless of course I see something obviously wrong (by my perception) or it puts someone in immediate harm.  But, about 9 times out of 10, I will leave things well enough alone. I figure, people are going to do what they’re going to do.

But, in a sick way… It is so validating to see certain events play out. Said events not being in favor of those who are royally ignorant.

To be quite frank, it makes my day.

And with that, my day shall move forward. I have statistics to accomplish.

Peace <3

Growing Pains.

You know, those things you feel when you’re on the edge of adulthood, but neither you nor your parents are ready for it?

I just got off the phone with my parents a little bit ago. The conversation was going to start out by telling them some good news, then talking about something that has come up for this weekend that I had brought to my mom’s attention earlier that day. However, the conversation started as an outright lecture of something I didn’t do (negative), what’s wrong with what I want to do (negative), and then it ended with mom and dad arguing about have opposing views as to what I should do and with me just wanting to get off the phone.

I know. It sounds kind of bratty. I will admit, they have a right to be frustrated with me for the thing I didn’t do. It’s a battle that all parents have with their children, and it’s something I had a ton of time to do but didn’t do it (either had plans, necessary or not, was tired, lazy, procrastinated, etc.). And I also admit that they have the full right to bring it up in the conversation that should have transpired. The placement of the concept, though, was a little less than graceful.

A friend asked for a favor this weekend, since I was going home this weekend for Labor Day and I live about an hour from where she wants to go. I have no issue with it, since she has helped me with a few things on numerous occasions, and she’s a close friend of mine. Really, the only reason I brought it up with my parents was because of the off-chance that she may end up staying at my house Sunday night since she may not be able to stay three nights where she’ll be going.

I understand the risks involved in this, as well as any slip ups that may happen with time, gas money repayment, etc. I also understand that there could have been a more effective and less upsetting way to talk about this with my parents.

This, is how I believe the conversation should have gone:

Me: Hey mom and dad

Them: Hi honey, how’s your evening?

Me: Good, but super busy. I’ve been doing homework since about 3:30 this afternoon, so I’m kinda feeling tired. How was your guys’s day today?

Them: Good, good (Enter stories here). How was your day?

Me: Good (share good news and possible activities I’m planning on looking in to)

Them: Awesome. So, mom said something about you bringing another friend home?

Me: Yes, … (explains story in detail)

Them: Questions ensue.

Me: Answers follow.

Them: Now, you know that you still have not done what we’ve asked you to do. It’s not really fair.  Can we expect an improvement this weekend?

Me: Yes, you can.

(This is where they DON’T retort with a sarcastic laugh or comment, which immaturely makes me answer with an attitude. Just take my word for it.)

Them: And you trust this girl that you’re bringing up here?

Me: Yes, she is a very dear friend of mine, and you both know I have a good judge of friends, and how many people that I’ve either never brought to the house, or I’ve only brought them here once. (Gee, that sounds spiteful.)

Them: Good, then we look forward to meeting her You’re going to let us know when you leave, get to each destination, etc.?

Me: Yes. I’ll even give you their cell numbers if you want to call/text them. They’ve offered. They also offered to reimburse me on gas both ways.

Them: Excellent! Just keep us posted. So what did you have to dinner tonight?

Me: D-hall, which was actually not that bad…

And so the conversation continues.

If it starts negatively, it will end negatively. I fully understand every point they were making. And I know they understood every point that I was making. But it started out as a lecture, or as an attack, and eventually all sides essentially lost because no one could find common ground on something negatively set.

It’s just frustrating.

Now, from here on out is me venting immaturely. If it contradicts any reasoning I typed above… Well, everyone has an illogical and childish side. Let me have mine for a little bit.

…

I actually don’t have much to say after that. I’ve made my peace with the situation. And even though I will be doing what I set out to do, I don’t feel accomplished in the sense of me having a mature conversation with my parents about it.

If anything else, we all three were children.

Anyway… Enough of this. While I am ahead on my work for tomorrow, I’m trying to get ahead on homework for the next day or so in order to make sure I get enough sleep this week so I can drive home safely on Friday and get a few other non-school related things done.

Peace <3

I can feel my brain sizzling.

I think I even feel and smell smoke coming out of my ears.

I’m currently hiding in the back of the library on an iMac (again), knocking out various homework assignments and getting things done. I’ve been amazingly productive, which is refreshing, but after about an hour of stats and a half an hour of reading for biology, I need a mental break.

This past weekend was a lot of fun – Despite the dreary weather, Sean came a visited me, which was awesome. We hung out all weekend, going over DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) stuff, watching stand-up comedy, and he even helped me paint stuff for my buddies It was an awesome weekend. Nice and relaxing, which is just what I needed after a non-stop first week of classes.

I’ll tell you what, I don’t remember feeling so burnt out after only one week at the start of the last two semesters.

Maybe it’s just because I’m getting into the nitty-gritty of my program now. I don’t know, but I think after what I left happen last year, I guess I’m putting so much more of an emphasis on everything that I don’t really know how to handle it. So I’m just doing it – Reading, doing the work, etc… I’m doing it as opposed to letting myself dwell and think about it too much. Which is good, I guess. But I find myself going back over things because I feel like I don’t always let the information sink in because I move through it so quickly.

Man. College is tiring. I mean, they always tell you that it is, but they never really TELL you in high school, when you’re starting to look at schools and apply.

Maybe it’s to keep from scaring you out of going?

I have no idea.

In other news, my friend Nikki’s sister just had a baby this weekend! So happy for them What a way to come into the world, too! During Hurricane Irene, I mean. If the baby was a girl, I would totally have put Irene in the name somewhere.

And… Just realized something dumb I did… :/ Oh well. I love it when I misunderstand directions.

Great way to start the week. -_- Oh well. Going home with Kara next weekend!

Peace <3